I have been running for a long time. In fact, on the day that I began to run, my husband handed me his beeper to time myself-that’s how long ago it was. I’d say about 12 years ago.

I hated it. Couldn’t do it. Thought I would never get it done.

Then we joined Race for the Cure, and I trained so hard to go those three miles. I thought I would die most days. When he said run as far as you can and don’t stop, I got all of five minutes that first time.

But then it increased to ten. And then fifteen. And then twenty. Finally, the morning of the race, I finished at around 33 minutes, and I was so proud of myself.

Yet I didn’t consider myself a runner.

I didn’t consider myself a runner when I would wake at 4AM every morning, either, or when I increased my time into 9 minute miles.

I always thought runners were :

1. Training constantly
2. Running fast
3. Couldn’t live without their runs

Me, I had rules about running:

1. Had to go early in the morning or not at all
2. Had to follow a set path when I ran at a set distance
3. Had to have everything just right-the weather, the sun’s position in the sky

Then I trained for the marathon. Let me tell you, when you have to put in that many miles per week-or even per day-you can’t be quite as picky.

If i had to run a three miler one Wednesday to prepare for my long run on Saturday, and it didn’t work out in the morning because the kids were up all night and I was so exhausted I overslept, then I had to get it in at some other time of the day.

Yet, still, I never really THOUGHT of myself as a runner until just the other day.

I’d had a bad weekend. Youngest daughter has been very sick. Couldn’t wake up and go because she needed me in the morning. Really WANTED to go.

So, at 11 in the morning, when the sun was at its brightest and it was hot as hell, I went.

During that run, I realized, I have arrived. I am a runner.

A runner can understand that they need to get out and do it, and even if it doesn’t work in the early morning hours when they want to go most, they will fit it in.

I knew I wanted to do three miles, but only had two and a half in me. I realized a runner understands how their body feels and they run accordingly.

I knew I had done well with my timing at the last 5K; well for me, not so much for others who run in the 7s. That’s okay. I realized a runner does the best that she can, and that is all that she needs to do, whether it is a 10 minute mile or a 6 minute mile.

I guess, overall, I realized that I had become a runner when running to me was not just something that I did because I wanted to lose weight or fit into my size eights (though what great perks these both are!) but that it is what I do because I have to do.

Like breathing, I run.

Like eating, I run.

Like loving, I run.

I run because it is what I have to do now, not what I want to do.