Today was my long run – 11 miles. It really went well. I remembered as I was running that during the last training 11 miles was my favorite length to go. It gave me plenty of time in but didn’t require too much time. If I get out at 5:30 I’m generally back around the time the rest of the family wakes for the day.
Generally.
As in, not today.
Apparently today I left at 5:15 and the baby started crying 15 minutes later. Seems she had a poopy diaper, which of course meant my husband had to get up at 5:30 to change it.
Okay, here’s the thing: I’m the one that gets up throughout the night and in the early morning when the kids wake. Do I love doing this? No. However, my husband is one who doesn’t do well on limited sleep. I do okay on limited sleep, at least for a few days. (Then I turn into a madwoman, who enjoys breaking down in fits of tears and/or rage, sometimes at the same time, until I put in a full night’s rest – which at this age is only 7 hours!)
Anyway, so I had this great run. I got a lot of things thought out. I didn’t even use my Ipod today; instead, I spent the entire 11 miles musing about life and running and whatever else floated into and then out of my head.
I came back feeling GOOD. You know, like only a GOOD run can make you feel.
Until I walked in the front door.
Everyone was grumbly.
And me? I just felt guilty.
It is not anything that the family puts on me: It is what I, as a mother who wants time to herself, puts on herself.
I think part of it is working from home. I am here all of the time, day and night. I don’t leave the house alone unless I am running. To me, running time IS alone time. I have learned to adjust to this.
I don’t:
go out with friends
go to the movies
get my nails done
Instead, I run.
I love to run, so this is okay with me. Those long morning runs, that is quiet time. That is time when I can think without anyone grabbing my leg or screaming, “GIVE ME THAT BARBIE!”
So when I come home and everyone is in a bad mood because no one got to sleep in, I feel guilty. I feel like I should have been here. Even though I know, deep down, that running on Saturday mornings is something that I have to do for ME.
Yet I recovered quickly. I got up from the table, from where three residents in my home (all but me) were kind of brooding while silently eating their cereal, and I got in the shower. As I stood under the hot water I realized that like an 11 mile run, this was just something that I had to get mental about.
For Allbusiness I write a lot about working mother’s guilt. We feel guilty when we aren’t spending ALL of our time with out children and family.
Truth is, we have to have alone time, in whatever form makes us happy.
Some of my friends scrapbook.
Some of my friends go out with girlfriends for dinner one time a month.
Some of my friends play cards one night a month.
I run.
Running is all I really need to make me feel better. In fact, I’m a better mother, a better person, on mornings when I run, because i have had that time to unwind and be alone with my own thoughts.
It is getting over the guilt that is the hardest thing to do, but I will do it. Eventually.
When the kids are in college.
The run itself was great. I can’t seem to drink as much as I am supposed to. I was down a pound and a half when I got home. I took two 17 oz bottles of Gatorade but could only get through one and about a third of the other. It felt like the Gatorade was sloshing around in my stomach most of the time, though. I’m sure there has to be a technique to all of this liquid consuming during the run. I used to do fine when I didn’t feel the need to drink as much. Now it is harder.
I also ate a tiger milk bar during the run. I know they say you shouldn’t need to eat unless you go out more than three hours, but I do. I get too hungry. I ate half a peanut butter sandwich this morning before I left and then the bar throughout the run. I was still famished when I got home and ate a bowl of oatmeal after the shower and before the coffee, which rarely happens (I usually do the coffee first).
We are off today to run a bunch of errands, check out story time, and get some pictures printed so we can work on a school project for my oldest daughter.